If Only I Knew - two years and counting

I wish I could take credit for the following calming words, but I've copied them from the FB of a young friend who had her older brother taken out of her life by the hand of teenager with a knife.

Christmas 2007 Matt was barely 20 years old, in his 2nd year of college. His freshman year of college he played football at a small Texas Christian university. He was home between semesters when he died of multiple stabs wounds. No, he wasn't out on the streets or a member of a gang he was at his parents house surrounded by friends and family celebrating his high school's recent state football championship. The killer was 15 years old and came uninvited when he was asked to leave, he did then came back with reinforcements and again when asked to leave he didn't until 3 college boys home for the holidays were attacked, two survived, forever haunted.

I met Matt when he was in the 5th grade he was full of life and never without a smile. That smile was reinforced by his mothers. I watched him grow into a young adult. They were a family complete with dogs, cats, horses, playhouse, 4-wheelers, hunting, summer swim league, and a strong love of God. They had it all then one night the smiles dimmed, surviving each day with the thought of being with Matt again gives them strength.

If ONlY I KNEW...

... i had the chance to pray with you one last time, i would take your hands and welcome GODs presence to surround us.

...how often and how badly i have misjudged people i would have opened my heart more often to love and be loved

...that no one ever sees the same thing in exactly the same light i would have found more pleasure in others opinions even when they did not share mine

...the destructive power of gossip, slander and talking behind other peoples backs i would have chosen my words more carefully

...that grief and heartache could be so deep and devastating, i would have been there more often for others

...that others might be watching my life as an example, and that my life might be influencing others, i would have asked GOD to shape my character to be a reflection of HIS heart

...that it was wrong to put others down and to make them feel guilty, i would have stopped manipulating them and chosen love as the higher way

...how little i actually understood about you, i would listen to your words and search out your thoughts and seek to know the deeepest desires of your heart